Chase Them

Second wind hits,

Finally out of my head and

On the pedals.

Time Apart - Space -

I have a feeling that falls back onto itself as a hunch but lets just flip it and say I mostly know where these feelings are coming from.  A free body costing not down hill just different juxtapositions of costing specifically in my head, hart, and indescribable feeling that carries with in.  The feeling is lighter then daunting but its something people will ask, “what’s wrong,” and sometimes you just don’t want to talk about the feeling of emotions that are coursing because the help only helps for a briefer period every time.  It’s better to be around people when you know you’ll be trapped in your head, especially if you’re going to be alone.  When it comes to sleep and laying your head down and getting rest, the feelings of saturations become overwhelming and course through you from the last few days, it grips tight dwells on your mind harder.  Sleep turns into tossing and turn in bed and a moment comes, STOP thinking, everything begins to relax.  You wake up some time through the night and the feelings hit, “not now, I need this rest,” you say.  Morning comes and you put your self together for the day, the feeling is lighter but there the thoughts aren’t unraveling themselves so strong as before. 

Time apart, - space - are making things clearer, honest, and healthier decisions are being made with noticeable spectral change for self.  The time apart from the other – person -isn’t what we ultimately want and it seems backwards when initially thinking about our feelings but again its not.  Discussing the thoughts with people that are all here for you physically and mentally are all thinking of you in return.  So that helps…  But also you want to talk too that other person badly.  I haven’t given up on you, so why crack at a thought that grew into a deep halt into giving up on me or us.  We’ve been at each other for the bettering that person but also lost sight of taking care of our selves.  That’s why this time and – space - helps us collect ourselves before tarring one another apart from one another.  The realization is that we are giving our selves a chance to check into ourselves and not be deconstructive in the relationship.  Lets keep progressing, building meaning, values, and all these great things by working through our thoughts of wanting to improve ourselves at human beings. 

That hunch feeling is special its ties itself like a rope on a tugboat when guiding a massive ship into port – we just have so much potential to grow even more by being together and hopefully, you can see that.  If not with me I can only hope with in your self-first and someone else in the future.    

A bloc - 'full gas'

No, I don’t have the pedal down on ‘full gas’

I’m at sorts of feeling out of gas, meaning that im out the control of using my own gas.

Legs aren’t tired; the support of me tapping into the reserves is at a miss.

Where are these thoughts coming from, new training, and racing as a Team?

Work schedule is hectic trying to ride with not so nice weather and limited time on the bike.  No one wants to get sick and I’ve been sick two times already and feeling like this allergy has turned into a long awaking sickness…

Mentally we all want to do well in races, in everything, and yes why not.  The tops of my thighs always feel out of gas on the flats, on the hills everything is fine and comfortable on the cycling machine.  Odd but I just have to be consistent with the training plan.  Results from training don’t come around in 2-4 weeks it comes in 6 or even greater.  The season is young and as much as I want my body to be at a certain place as it was before the race season started its not there right now.  I just find that my body is breaking down what was ultimately solid fitness.  Sure, ill be back at it again – in the game of racing well and not feeling that I should blame anyone not even my self.  Don’t let your mind beat you up, let your teammates and friends do that by putting laughter in the belly, warmth into the heart, and a lighter load on the mind.  It’s too hard to live a life as your own ally and enemy.  Keep pedaling through the chaos and all will fall into place.  You can’t be fast every day and the same goes for the people you know are fast now.  This is why Teammates are crucial and important in all forms and not singularly cycling.  

Facing Facts

I’m facing facts and always doing battles with my mind even though you can reassure your self that everything will work out.  It’s a hard fact that you know you have trained, put-time-in, effort, planning, and in the end it doesn’t boil down to excuses.  Yes, I know I am hard on myself and it’s in my nature to be and I could say the same for a lot others.  Its very difficult in knowing that you can do better in certain weather.  I know and have trained a lot in brutal cold weather then the average Cat 2 & 3 last few years also commuting in the cold for the last 6 years in Kansas City.  I have been racing for 3 years.  I know now that I will definitely show up for cold, brutal hard man weather but other spectrum of race results never add up.  The mental notion of adding cards to your deck and also a great learning curve is the victory that day.  Now that I know my body prefers hot as hell races!  I’m still excited to race and compete in the cold also excited to wake up and ride early and still have a entire day a head of me for Spring-Summer conditions.  For all the people that do very well in cold weather racing I salute you and ill make sure to return the favor soon enough.